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Ramping up for solar jobs

SVCC starts worker training program in anticipation of big demand for installer positions

Mecklenburg trustees take look at shorter school day

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Brewery makes plans to move to lakefront

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Post 8 scrappy, with solid offense, pitching

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Plain and Simple for Jan. 16, 2014 / January 14, 2014
We all try to start the New Year off in the right direction with New Year’s resolutions and efforts to live healthier and to make better decisions in our lives.

I decided that I needed to get in better physical condition. Therefore, I started back on one of my many diets but this one is somewhat different.

I am not going to count calories at all. I am making every effort to simply eat whole, plant-based foods. In a nutshell, it is a vegan diet. I went on it for eight weeks back towards the end of last year and lost over twenty pounds with hardly any effort at all.

I was never hungry and never felt better. The only drawback is that you have to plan your meals ahead. If you wait until the last minute to throw things together then the temptation is overwhelming to eat the wrong things.

I also signed up for a kettlebell class. Kettlebells are those strange looking hunks of iron with handles on them that originated in Russia and are all the rage now in fitness classes. I went to the class and there were seven women in the class along with me.

They were all in their thirties and it was very obvious that each one could beat me up. They grabbed these huge kettlebells and began to swing them around like they were made of papier-mâché. I waited a minute and then they brought me a kettlebell that was so small that it looked like a cowbell. I was really embarrassed but after about five minutes of lifting it, I was about to die.

The ladies were throwing their kettlebells around and I was looking for a way to get out of there. I was ready to make a run for the parking lot but there were two problems. One, my legs were so tired that they were no longer working so well.

And, two, I was afraid one of the women would chase me down and drag me back by my hair. Things just got worse. I was getting weaker and weaker while a couple of the women grabbed a barbell with two hundred pounds on it and began tossing it around.

It was at this point that I told myself that my diet had obviously weakened me so much that I was just not myself.

I have been so sore since that morning that I have not made it back to a kettlebell class.

Unfortunately, I told several people that I was taking those wretched classes so I guess I will have to put in another appearance soon.

I suppose that the women may want to adopt me as a mascot and I can just sit around and watch them work out.

Whatever happens, I hope that your New Year’s resolutions are working out somewhat better than mine are at this time.

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